Posted at 11:59 AM
Im not much of a fan of what is commonly referred to as ‘reality tv’ its all a bit ..well..trashy..for me, nothing personal you understand, its just that I would much rather go to the Ballet at the Royal Opera House or a recital of Keats or Shelly at Wigmore Hall, I find that altogether more stimulating for the old grey matter, there is something disposable about reality TV, its like the McDonalds of light entertainment, Junk food for the mind, I have a lady friend who insists on watching ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ and whenever I visit her she is knees up on her sofa, bowl of popcorn in hand hanging on to every word that comes out of the mouths of those vacuous shop window dummies, I asked her what they were famous for to which she replied after some thought “famous for being famous’…I rest my case M’Lud.
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this brings me neatly to the lady in question, I was told in advance that she was the ‘star of a reality tv programme’ my curiosity peaked I inquired as to what kind of reality tv she was associated with, my hope was it might at least be the X-factor or Strictly Come Dancing, she can sing I thought, my heart starting to race, perhaps she can do a rendition of ‘I will always love you’ while I get Marc Rose to pummel her fragrant passage, or perhaps she can dance ? I was starting to perspire now, imagining her doing the conga whilst squeezing the cum from Marc’s testicles…’she was on Tool Academy’ I was succinctly told.
Now, while I do not profess to keep up with everything that is on TV these days, in an effort not to come across like some old fuddy duddy to the young nubile girls I have to photograph every day, I attempt to make sure I know my Boyzone from my Back Street Boys as it were, but this ‘Tool Academy’ was a complete mystery to me, I imagined it as a place where young men were sent to be trained in the noble art of Pork Swordsmanship in the style of Marc Rose or Jack Mason, a quick visit to wikipedia and I found this:
series in which girlfriends secretly enrol their boyfriends in relationship boot camp, where they compete to win £25000 and the best prize of all – the love of a good woman.
my head was spinning after reading this, here was a lady who had secretly enrolled her boyfriend into a relationship boot camp so that he may win her love and here she was about to take a double helping of Cock from Mark and Peter, obviously the relationship did not work out then ? ‘Oh’ she said ‘ we are still together but he doesn’t know Im doing Porn, please don’t say anything, I don’t want him to find out Im fucking guys on camera’
of course my dear, your secret is safe with me.
so ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Star of Tool Academy the one and only Brooklyn Blue.
I still wish she could sing ‘I will always Love you’.
